Lady Rovers R2D2 - 10/12/08 by Steph Noris

R2D2 3 Smoking Aces 2

After weighing whether or not I should censor R2D2's match report for about 10 seconds, I have the pleasure to give it to you in its full, unrestricted, R-rated form as brilliantly drafted by Steph Norris. For those with kids, the following message contains mature language...You would never know it from reading this but I swear the ladies from R2's can be real ladies too and are definite peaches. This is not to be shared on the website (for reasons which will become obvious quickly enough to the reader)Nicolas

The lovely R2D2's pulled their faces off the bar bathroom floors this past Sunday for the outrageously early morning trek out to Randall's Island. We were there to take on the Smoking Aces who were sitting pretty in third place. (I would like to note that this was just about the only pretty thing about them.) There are way way too many obviously lame comments to make regarding their name, so i will move past the "we put their flame out", or "we instead smoked them", or "we extinguished their fire" remarks (leave me alone, that is my tuesday morning humor) and instead move on to what just may have been the highlight of the game: our ref.For those who weren't there, we had a ref straight out of the 1960s. (think Charlton Heston in Ten Commandments.) Like wrinkled, full grey beard, needed a walking stick. The nice way to put it would be to just say that he was vintage. So Moses had the old school ref thing going - made both teams line up along the sideline before the game and walk in unison out to midfield, then slap five and wish each other good luck. He also insisted on having hippie linesmen (think Leo from that 70s show) to compensate for him not being able to see. Awesome start.SO! on to the game. haha I am going to steal some wording from Caroline who put it much nicer than i would have... "due to grass and field size we had a hard time adjusting"...You know some might say that the high grass threw us into slow mo but I am pretty sure that we are all just such well adjusted city girls that seeing grass had us all a little confused. Nature can be like that.Nonetheless, we dominated the play and didn't crap out when we went down a goal just a few minutes in. We stayed composed and, okay, not necessarily very spread out (it happens) but we had some nice give and gos between full backs and midfield and tied it up on a beautiful corner (from our newest center mid Sandra) which Kerri poked into the net. After her hat trick last weekend, we would have been silly to think that Kerri was done for the day, and few minutes later Kerri burned two of their fullbacks and fired in a really sick shot from just inside the 18 to the opposite low corner. Really great placement and gave us the lead, and Kerri is now the second highest scorer for our division, only one goal behind someone we dont care about who is also probably ugly.Second half was pretty similar to the first - a little bit messy but we remained in control. With about ten minutes left we had one of those oh-so-rare moments of breakdown which let them back into it and it seemed as if the game would end in a draw. Yeah right. No one wanted to make Bridget email Nicolas about a tie.With under 5 on the clock, Rovers stayed focused and ignored their hangovers. A great run from Mary all the way at fullback down the wing where she then dropped the ball back to me still on the far right side of the field. I sent the long through ball across the box (i will pretend it was intended to go exactly where it went sshhh) where Dani outran their excuse for a defender and one touched a very composed shot into the left side of the net, giving us the lead and a few minutes later, the win. Money.Some game highlights:-the ref giving in to all of the Smoking Aces plays from the Cristiano Ronaldo school of diving and whining for prissy little bitches. (can i say bitch in a match report?) oh well. They were crying for calls all over the place and we got called for just about everything. fun.-lissa did a great job playing somewhat out of position as outside mid. nice runs up top from lara and kristin.-bridget waving at the firemen. i have no idea why i found this so entertaining.-caroline and megan not taking any shit in the back from the nosediving Aces (they both have the ball very much imprinted on their legs to prove it)-emily, as per usual, saving our asses, in particular on one amazing save where the girl took a long, really well placed shot that Em had to leap in the air to punch just over the top of the net, ensuring that we retained the lead.-darlene doing 8248192 moves in a row before shooting.-also when darlene very blatantly just shoved their defender down on their endline (i know i told u to chill but seriously that was awesome)-And better still, our Flomax moment of the game........when Sandra told their center mid... "you should stop eating." She is such a peach.R2D2s celebrated the W with a team BBQ courtesy of Courtney and Darlene and Flomax. There were beers, boca burgers (and my own special corner to eat them), some dancing, and for those who hung around to see it, a really "special" show of Court gettin low and a makeover on Miss Jefferson. I know R1 got those action shots taken of them last week, but I think the photos of Kristin doing "the beyonce" really take the cake. Meg got drunk and picked people up, and we all got to play dress up with Kristin's boyfriend. Gooood times, and a big thank you again from everyone to Dar and Court for being such great hosts.. and of course for not giving anyone food poisoning.See you all at practice tonight and please send Nicolas your players points for this match so his bouffant doesnt turn grey!(lineup: Emily, Bridget, Caroline, Mary, Courtney, Megan, Sandra, Me, Darlene, Dani, Lyssa, Kristin, Lara, Kerri)