Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Rovers Thirds Match Report (9/27/2009) by Jeremy Wine

Barnstonworth Rovers Thirds4 - FC NY Bravehearts 1

There, I've gone and given away the ending.

Barnstonworth Metro, coming off a stinging, absurd 1-0 loss to early table-toppers Homenetmen, showed up with proper numbers on a gray, but happily dry-esque Sunday afternoon on Randall's Island. Another new entry to the league with another fucking stupid team name awaited, this time a predominantly Southeast Asian team with two skillfill African players in the middle of the pitch. Thankfully, they forewent any organized pre-game warmup, blasting of "The Eye of the Tiger", or any intimidating matching headbands. Normal guys.

All did not forebode well at the start, as last week's brain damaged ref could be seen in his signature safety green shirt consorting with the referee of the current match; this the same gent who decided it would be within his rights to keep Mackers' player card after last week's match because he got his feewings all huwt. And true to form, this ref was also...let's just say...unpredictable.

The game had a series of severe momentum shifts, with the early joy going to the Rovers. The first 30 seconds almost resulted in a Rovers goal, something we're normally accustomed to conceding. All the early pressure was from the Rovers, with admittedly some comically bad finishing that would plague us all game long. Then, in keeping with a game of that wooden box thing with the silver ball that you try to keep of the little hole things, somebody tilted the entire pitch and the two opposing central midfielders started picking apart the back line who, admittedly, displayed some comically bad defending.

The first goal would go to the Rovers on something of a counter-field-tilting-attack thing, and a corner well earned was nodded goalkeeperward with pace by centerback Derrick "Handsome and Available" Kilfedder and magically redirected down and under the keeper's legs by Gavin "Discount Rate" Dick. Anyways, 1-nil to the good guys.

A second shortly followed, this time a well placed cross-goal shot from attacking central mid Thomas "Watchoo Talkin bout Willis" Obaseki. Their goalie and suspect defense exposed, surely the rout would be on.

Not so--Darryl "I Abscond, but only just" Crane gave way to Brian "Hackalacka" McMackers and, rather harshly, Mackers' first touch was more of a non-touch, springing a through the heart of the defense goal that was almost casual and "well, yeah." Halftime.

The second half began much like the first, the heart and work rate of the opposition noticeably subdued. The Rovers defense had began to stiffen and the midfield fully reestablishing control of the match, the third goal was a welcome and deserved sight. Almost like you see on TV, a midfield throw-in was one-timed well by Brandon "There's a wall?" Rowley onto already running Bernfeld, who glided down the line, skipped past a defender on the baseline, and sent a low, hard cross into Dick, who side/back heeled it expertly past the keeper into the goal. A tremendous little bit of play, and the match looked in control.

Rovers' fourth was to cap a great performance by Bernfeld, who received the ball in a not terribly wide position and finished well. Bravehearts (my fingers bleed writing these dumb ass team names. I hope we play the fucking New Jersey Awesomes next) piled on last pressure, but the defense, and especially James the goalie held up and end of match.

Thoughts of winning the league this year should be our expectation, especially with a good 14 person post-game pub showing. The loss stings, but the 2 wins so far will do.

Gameday squad:

James Krapp (g)
Sarg "Skin Creme Expo" Schlatter
Darryl Crane
Derrick Kilfedder
Jeremy "Scoop" Wine
Thomas Obaseki
Juan "I Gesticulate in your General Direction" Gonzalez Casares
Sergio "I can play anyone, I mean anywhere" Restrepo
Brandon "I'm still the scoring leader" Rowley
Okey "Sit in my car seat" Obudulu
Bruce "I can chest the ball 35 yards" Sholltrain

Also at the pub: Jeremy Brown, Anastasia, two douchebags who didn't want to pay for a salisbury steak because it was like a hamburger.